 NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. Tina sighed away the tears that were threatening to form. Another negative pregnancy test. She dreaded having to tell Mitch that another month went by without a positive. She buried her face in her hands, rocking back and forth just to feel something, even if it was only the cold hard porcelain of the bathtub beneath her. "I wish..." Tina said to herself and stopped. Raising her head, she licked her lips and slowly rose from the edge of the bathtub, throwing the plastic stick of broken dreams into the bin. She went to her closet and searched the boxes of old journals and letters. Her fingers slid across the spines of the books on display in the office and yet she still couldn't find what she was looking for. It had been so long--ten years now?--since she last saw it. That was two apartments and a condo ago. Finally, in a dusty cardboard box in the garage marked, "Tina's Junk," she triumphantly emerged with the Wish Journal. Technically, she didn't believe what she wrote would come true, but she did find her soulmate and married him. Now all she wanted was a child. They both did. After four years of trying, and twelve months of really trying, she was desperate. Wish #15: I wish we could conceive a beautiful, healthy child. I wish trying to have a kid was fun again and not a chore full of monthly trepidation. I wish Mitch and I could have children--at least one. I wish I could be a mother and Mitch could be a father. We would be such great parents.
I wish I could give my mother a grandchild. And while Carly is very happy with Gina, they don't ever plan on adopting. It is up to me and I want a child more than I've ever wanted anything in my whole life. I love that child already and I just want to give it a chance. I wish all children could be loved as much as I love my unborn, not-yet-concieved notion of my prodigy.
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 NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. The wooden pendulum clock chimed ten o'clock when Tina walked through her front door. The winter's night had made everything seem so cold and dark. Kicking off her shoes with unnecessary force, Tina desperately tried not to cry in frustration. She threw her coat on the ground instead of hanging it on the back of the chair like she always did; like she was punishing it for not meeting her expectations. Tina pulled out a bottle of wine--she seemed to be spending more and more of her grocery budget on the stuff lately--and plopped down on the couch with a grunt. It was supposed to be a romantic dinner. Tina had been dating Henry for a year now. All signs led to the big question. It was a fancy restaurant and Tina dressed for the occasion. What had happened? she mused, taking a large gulp of the cheap Merlot. Henry's big announcement was that he was leaving for Japan. For work. He didn't even ask Tina to follow him, not that she would have... or would she? Henry was different. He held open doors, he had a great job, he owned his own house. He was supposed to be The One. Again, Tina let out an aggravated sigh and reached for the television remote, but stopped herself. With iron-clad decision and determination, she rose from the couch still in her best dress and pantyhose. She turned the corner to her dark bedroom and appeared a minute later, fingering the pages of a book. No, not a book; the Wish Journal. For the first time Tina found the book instead of waiting for it to find her. Sure, it was a silly childhood pastime, but right now it was all she had in terms of hope. Wish #14: I wish to meet my soulmate and fall in love. I wish I would meet my soulmate and we'd fall in love and live happily ever after and soon. I wish I met a man who had a full time job, lived in his own place, and had never been to jail. I want to meet a gentleman who respects me. One who treats the waiters with respect and tips more than 5%. I wish I met the man of my dreams who loves me more than I love myself... way more than I love myself.
I wish such a man exists and we find each other at work, on lunch at the corner bistro, or at the coffeeshop, or, heck, I'll even go hiking on the weekend if that's where he will be. I'm so tired of being alone. I'm tired of fighting for the hope--the dream--that it will ever happen. I wish love found me.  NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. Currently, Tina was a secretary to an advertising agency in Boise. She hated to be so far from her mom and sister, but it was the only work she could find--and she struggled for years to land a full-time job. Carly had opted out of college and started attending beauty school--how Tina wished she could be closer and support her little sister. Then again, skipping college was probably the better route, according to the student loan debt that was lurking in the background of her life, ready to pounce on the first of each month. Tina sighed as she read her bank account statement. Between rent, a car payment, and student loans, she had little to no money. While wondering if spaghetti or canned soup would be on the menu tonight, the rickety shelf on the wall behind her crashed to the floor. She cursed under her breath when she saw that the picture frame of her father had broken. It wasn't the first time, but it still irritated her. Books tumbled to the ground and The Wish Journal fell open at her feet. All the dread and negativity that had filled her moments before had vanished. A smile crossed her lips. She began to associate the presence of the Wish Journal with her aunt, though she had departed this world. It had been nearly four years since Aunt Gemma was taken, but the pain was still so real, so raw. The journal was a wave or an encouraging hug from her aunt and she loved that the gift she got for her thirteenth birthday kept on giving. Wish #13: I wish to win the lotto. I don't wish for a lot, but a small lottery winning would do. I don't need all $40 million, just enough to pay off my debt, pay for Carly's beauty school, and give Mom enough so that she can retire. She's worked so much for Carly and me, she deserves something too.
I wish I could win the lottery, just enough money to get ahead. I wish I could relieve some of the stress in all our lives.  NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. Melancholy filled the small bedroom that Tina knew as her own space in college. Graduation was tomorrow. Tina bit her lip nervously as she packed the picture frames on her bookshelf. Anxiety riddled her with the realization that she hadn't found a job yet--why don't they teach job hunting in college? Her loosely developed plan of moving back home was all she had. She would be sleeping in her old bedroom in forty-eight hours. The room where Aunt Gemma lived during her last days. Tina taped up the box of newspaper-wrapped picture frames and pulled another box over to her. The small collection of books that either helped her through college or gave her a happy distraction were next. A Wrinkle in Time, The Heart of Darkness, The Poems of Sylvia Plath, and... The Wish Journal. Tina ran her hands over the front cover. Some of the metal studs were missing and the spine was cracked so that the first page--the inscription with Aunt Gemma's writing--slipped out. So many pages had not been written in yet. Oddly, Tina didn't mind. She knew that the book would find her whenever she needed direction. Now, four months after Aunt Gemma's funeral, she took it as a sign; a hand on her shoulder, a nudge from her aunt's elbow. Wish #12: I wish I could get a job. I wish to be successful. I wish I had a job lined up after graduation. I wish I had a plan after I walk off that stage tomorrow with my degree. I wish there was an instruction booklet that came with it.
I wish I had an opportunity waiting for me around the corner. I wish I found a job, one that I love. One that I rock at. I wish I had an answer when someone asks what I'm doing next. I wish I had direction; for someone to give me a chance to be great at something.  NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. Tina hung up the phone and felt like she lost control of her limbs; they seemed extraordinarily heavy. She sunk to the floor of the kitchen, the news still echoed in her ears: Aunt Gemma's cancer is back. It had escalated quickly, according to her mother. Hospice said Aunt Gemma had a month at best, a few days at worst. Tina had been home so often this past year due to her aunt's health, that just by glancing at the clock on the microwave she knew that the next bus for home left at 10 P.M. Five hours from now. The only thing Tina could do right now was sit and wait. Waiting was the worst. Tears filled her eyes at the thought of not being there when Aunt Gemma decided to pass. Her aunt was the most wonderful, generous, and gracious person Tina knew. Ruby, Tina's awkward roommate, sat watching The Wheel of Fortune while eating a bowl of soup, oblivious to what had just happened. Not wanting to cause a scene, Tina crept into her bedroom. Fresh laundry sat in a basket on her bed--that was what she was doing before she got The Call. With the time Tina had, she decided to pack herself a bag and contact her professor's and her boss at the diner to let them know she'd be out of class for at least a week. Then she would give a heads up to her friends for their lecture notes. There was so much to do. Tina reached for the dark blue gym bad that she used when she took trips home. She couldn't remember the last time she had put it back in the closet. Every time she'd emptied it, it seemed like she was packing it again. It sat next to her dresser and she snatched it up, only to find the Wish Journal tucked away beneath it. It always seemed to find her when she needed it the most. Fresh tears filled her eyes when she thought: That's just like Aunt Gemma, to always be there when I need her. Wish #11: I wish for Aunt Gemma to get better. I wish for what seems like the impossible: to reverse death. Aunt Gemma won't be here this time next month; what a horrible, sobering thought! Aunt Gemma is always there... was always there. Always. She was there when Dad died. During my crazy teenage years. She always made me feel like she knew who I was to become and cheered me on until I figured out how amazing I could be. I'm not there yet; I still need her.
I wish Aunt Gemma didn't have to die. I wish the cancer didn't come back. I wish there was a cure. I wish I couldn't feel the pain. I wish Aunt Gemma wouldn't feel the pain.  NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. Tina returned from class exhausted. Throwing her keys down on the closest surface, she blew stray hairs from her face as she slipped off her shoes. A quick glance at the clock told her that she only had an hour to change, eat, possibly start on an essay due by the end of the week, before heading to work. As she grabbed a granola bar from the cabinet in the apartment's small kitchen, she groaned at the mess on the counter. Of course her roommate "cleaned up" by littering the kitchen with old cereal bowls whose spoons were stuck inside, and coffee-stained mugs that she never set to soak in her sink. And it's great that she did laundry, but Tina nearly tripped over the baskets of winkled clothes in the living room. Ugh! And that pizza box has been on the floor next to the couch for almost two weeks now! Feeling the tight grip of anxiety in her chest, Tina reached her room and closed the door with a sigh. She took a moment to close her eyes and release that uneasy feeling in her chest. When she adjusted, she opened her eyes to look at her own room: it wasn't the cleanest room, but it didn't contain all the missing silverware and mountains of moldy food. Another sigh escaped her lips as she sat down on the edge of her unmade bed and searched the small bookshelf for a reference book in which she made notes in for the essay. That's when she came across the Wish Journal. Tina hadn't used it since the end of her freshman year. Without thinking about the essay or having to go to work, she picked up the nearest writing utensil--a chewed up Mickey Mouse pencil--and opened up the old book. Wish #10: I wish I got along with my roommate. I wish I could see the floor of the living room. I wish I didn't feel so clausterphobic when I want to watch TV and find myself sitting between piles of clothes, books, and dirty dishes. I wish I could take a shower without getting grossed out by an old bandage, or hair on the walls, or scum that only I clean when I'm not working or studying.
I wish I didn't get frustrated so easily. I wish I wasn't a hypocrite when it came to cleanliness. I just wish Ruby would clean up her messes. I wish Ruby was aware and understood the respect that comes from keeping our shared spaces clean. I wish I could communicate better.  NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. Deep in the library of the University of Idaho, Tina gulped down her fifth refill of coffee that day. She had even rented a study room to get down to business. Moonlight drifted through the window that overlooked the quad. Her evening study group had just left and Tina felt overwhelmed: No matter how much she fought for a passing grade in physics, it never came. She uneasily sat in a sea of highlighted notebooks, color-coded sticky notes, index cards, math equations, and her laptop opened to a practice test that flashed a score of 69%--so close! Tina bit her bottom lip as she took in the scene, and her legs jiggled in caffeine-fueled nervousness beneath the table. Deflated, Tina grabbed for her black faux leather planner Aunt Gemma gifted her in order to see if she could fit in another study session between a nap and the physics final exam. Tina's shoulders sunk. Of course it was just like her to accidentally grab that wish journal instead of her planner. This mistake would cost her either precious sleep or study time. She only stayed mad at herself for a few moments. Deciding to make the best of it--and yearning for a study break--she opened the leather pages of the wish journal, desperate for any additional help she could get. Wish #9: To pass physics this semester I wish I would sit down in my physics seminar tomorrow (today?!) and automatically know the answer to every question. I wish that studying seemed to pay off. I wish I could just pass physics so I don't have to take it again.
I wish that I didn't feel so hopeless; that no matter how much I fight for a passing grade, it never, ever, EVER comes. I wish this hard work paid off, that these sleepless night and endless hours of studying gave me a passing grade. I wish I had the math and science gene I seem to lack. God. I just wish I was successful at something!  NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. Tina slammed the phone down frustrated at hearing the busy signal so many times. She needed to leave her dorm room in ten minutes to make it to her two o'clock class, but this was important! She hung up the phone once more and hit redial. Busy signal again! Tina sighed in frustration. Carly loved the band Runaway Sunshine and getting her tickets, let alone first row tickets, would be the best gift in the world! When the busy signal pulsated through her eardrums again, Carly tried once more as the song on the radio ended. "Congratulations, what's your name?" the DJ's unmistakeable deep voice vibrated through the radio on her speakers. Tina knew she didn't win. Of course, there would be another chance at nine o'clock, but not winning the 1:30 giveaway still dampened her spirits. Slamming the phone in its cradle, which made her always-sleepy roommate stir from beneath her covers on the top bunk bed, Tina sulked in the wooden desk chair. Not winning the tickets wouldn't be the end of the world, but Tina wanted to surprise Carly so badly. Wish #8: To win concert tickets for Carly Carly isn't happy that I'm not home a lot since I left for college. I wish she was happy more often when I called home. I want to be able to take her to see her favorite band. I wish Mom could afford the tickets. I was I could afford the tickets.
I wish I could be the great big sister and swoop in and save the day and give her a smile. I wish Carly would be happy... tickets or no concert tickets.  NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. During graduation Tina was surprised at how many of her classmates had solid plans for the fall: Fiona was going to Montana State in Bozeman with Kevin, Paula had just got engaged to Luke, and Carol was accepted to Columbia--way on the other side of the country! Not to mention Quinn had been an apprentice in the plumber's union and Kylie was already offered a full-time position at Banger's Clothing Depot! Tina's lack of a plan depressed her. Each day she eagerly waited for the mailman to bring good news. Today was the day Tina got envelopes from two of the schools she applied to and, surprise-surprise, was not accepted to either. They were long shots anyway. There was only one school left to hear back from and Tina didn't have a back-up plan. As she sat at her desk in front of the "We are sorry to inform you..." letters, she bit her fingers raw in worry. Desperate for a miracle, she once again reached for Aunt Gemma's Wish Journal. Wish #7: To get into Idaho State I wish I wasn't always one step behind everyone else. I wish, for once, I had everything together in neat compartments of my life. I want to go to college. I know I was bad in math and was so horribly average, but that's who I am. I wish some college wants me. That some college wants someone so extraordinarily ordinary.
I wish that the next piece of mail addressed to Miss Tina K. Harold was an acceptance letter from Idaho State University. I wish they were pleased to offer me admittance into their school and could offer me financial aid. I know it's not my first choice school, but it's only an hour away by bus; it is close enough to be there for Carly. I wish the plans I had for life would materialize. I wish for a better life.  NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. Tina found herself up early that warm, sticky early June morning. Hanging over the door was the dark blue cap and gown she had worked hard the past four years to earn. It was still wrinkled in places and needed to be ironed, but there was still time. The world was still quiet yet. Once in a while a passing car on the street would interrupt the morning birds' song. Tina had trouble sleeping. She was excited, yes, but couldn't help feeling a blanket of sadness that grew heavy on her shoulders. Still sitting on her bed, her covers bunched up beneath her bare feet, she longed for the perfect companion on this momentous day. With a sigh, her eyes stared straight ahead at the picture frame beside her bedroom door. The four happy, smiling people were familiar, yet so foreign. Pushing away the tears that wanted to fall, Tina decided to do something about it. Of course it was impossible and would never work, but still... her soul needed to say it. Wish #6: For both of my parents to be at my graduation I wish Dad could be here for my high school graduation. I wish he would pop into the gymnasium as my name was being called and as I walked across the stage I would see his bright smile and he would wave in celebration. He would even whistle that loud piercing whistle that drove Mom crazy. Then I would run into his arms, with my diploma, and he would scoop me up and say, "Congratulations, Scooter!" I miss that nickname. No one ever calls me Scooter anymore.
I wish he didn't have to die when I was only ten years old. I wish that he had been smart enough not to stop the car on the train tracks that morning. I wish Mom didn't have to work so much... I wish she could be the Mom she was before Dad died and she had to go back to work. I wish we were a happy family again. I wish I didn't miss him that much. I wish the pain of missing him wasn't so crippling. |
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