NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. Melancholy filled the small bedroom that Tina knew as her own space in college. Graduation was tomorrow. Tina bit her lip nervously as she packed the picture frames on her bookshelf. Anxiety riddled her with the realization that she hadn't found a job yet--why don't they teach job hunting in college? Her loosely developed plan of moving back home was all she had. She would be sleeping in her old bedroom in forty-eight hours. The room where Aunt Gemma lived during her last days. Tina taped up the box of newspaper-wrapped picture frames and pulled another box over to her. The small collection of books that either helped her through college or gave her a happy distraction were next. A Wrinkle in Time, The Heart of Darkness, The Poems of Sylvia Plath, and... The Wish Journal. Tina ran her hands over the front cover. Some of the metal studs were missing and the spine was cracked so that the first page--the inscription with Aunt Gemma's writing--slipped out. So many pages had not been written in yet. Oddly, Tina didn't mind. She knew that the book would find her whenever she needed direction. Now, four months after Aunt Gemma's funeral, she took it as a sign; a hand on her shoulder, a nudge from her aunt's elbow. Wish #12: I wish I could get a job. I wish to be successful. I wish I had a job lined up after graduation. I wish I had a plan after I walk off that stage tomorrow with my degree. I wish there was an instruction booklet that came with it.
I wish I had an opportunity waiting for me around the corner. I wish I found a job, one that I love. One that I rock at. I wish I had an answer when someone asks what I'm doing next. I wish I had direction; for someone to give me a chance to be great at something.
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NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. Tina hung up the phone and felt like she lost control of her limbs; they seemed extraordinarily heavy. She sunk to the floor of the kitchen, the news still echoed in her ears: Aunt Gemma's cancer is back. It had escalated quickly, according to her mother. Hospice said Aunt Gemma had a month at best, a few days at worst. Tina had been home so often this past year due to her aunt's health, that just by glancing at the clock on the microwave she knew that the next bus for home left at 10 P.M. Five hours from now. The only thing Tina could do right now was sit and wait. Waiting was the worst. Tears filled her eyes at the thought of not being there when Aunt Gemma decided to pass. Her aunt was the most wonderful, generous, and gracious person Tina knew. Ruby, Tina's awkward roommate, sat watching The Wheel of Fortune while eating a bowl of soup, oblivious to what had just happened. Not wanting to cause a scene, Tina crept into her bedroom. Fresh laundry sat in a basket on her bed--that was what she was doing before she got The Call. With the time Tina had, she decided to pack herself a bag and contact her professor's and her boss at the diner to let them know she'd be out of class for at least a week. Then she would give a heads up to her friends for their lecture notes. There was so much to do. Tina reached for the dark blue gym bad that she used when she took trips home. She couldn't remember the last time she had put it back in the closet. Every time she'd emptied it, it seemed like she was packing it again. It sat next to her dresser and she snatched it up, only to find the Wish Journal tucked away beneath it. It always seemed to find her when she needed it the most. Fresh tears filled her eyes when she thought: That's just like Aunt Gemma, to always be there when I need her. Wish #11: I wish for Aunt Gemma to get better. I wish for what seems like the impossible: to reverse death. Aunt Gemma won't be here this time next month; what a horrible, sobering thought! Aunt Gemma is always there... was always there. Always. She was there when Dad died. During my crazy teenage years. She always made me feel like she knew who I was to become and cheered me on until I figured out how amazing I could be. I'm not there yet; I still need her.
I wish Aunt Gemma didn't have to die. I wish the cancer didn't come back. I wish there was a cure. I wish I couldn't feel the pain. I wish Aunt Gemma wouldn't feel the pain. NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. Tina returned from class exhausted. Throwing her keys down on the closest surface, she blew stray hairs from her face as she slipped off her shoes. A quick glance at the clock told her that she only had an hour to change, eat, possibly start on an essay due by the end of the week, before heading to work. As she grabbed a granola bar from the cabinet in the apartment's small kitchen, she groaned at the mess on the counter. Of course her roommate "cleaned up" by littering the kitchen with old cereal bowls whose spoons were stuck inside, and coffee-stained mugs that she never set to soak in her sink. And it's great that she did laundry, but Tina nearly tripped over the baskets of winkled clothes in the living room. Ugh! And that pizza box has been on the floor next to the couch for almost two weeks now! Feeling the tight grip of anxiety in her chest, Tina reached her room and closed the door with a sigh. She took a moment to close her eyes and release that uneasy feeling in her chest. When she adjusted, she opened her eyes to look at her own room: it wasn't the cleanest room, but it didn't contain all the missing silverware and mountains of moldy food. Another sigh escaped her lips as she sat down on the edge of her unmade bed and searched the small bookshelf for a reference book in which she made notes in for the essay. That's when she came across the Wish Journal. Tina hadn't used it since the end of her freshman year. Without thinking about the essay or having to go to work, she picked up the nearest writing utensil--a chewed up Mickey Mouse pencil--and opened up the old book. Wish #10: I wish I got along with my roommate. I wish I could see the floor of the living room. I wish I didn't feel so clausterphobic when I want to watch TV and find myself sitting between piles of clothes, books, and dirty dishes. I wish I could take a shower without getting grossed out by an old bandage, or hair on the walls, or scum that only I clean when I'm not working or studying.
I wish I didn't get frustrated so easily. I wish I wasn't a hypocrite when it came to cleanliness. I just wish Ruby would clean up her messes. I wish Ruby was aware and understood the respect that comes from keeping our shared spaces clean. I wish I could communicate better. NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. Deep in the library of the University of Idaho, Tina gulped down her fifth refill of coffee that day. She had even rented a study room to get down to business. Moonlight drifted through the window that overlooked the quad. Her evening study group had just left and Tina felt overwhelmed: No matter how much she fought for a passing grade in physics, it never came. She uneasily sat in a sea of highlighted notebooks, color-coded sticky notes, index cards, math equations, and her laptop opened to a practice test that flashed a score of 69%--so close! Tina bit her bottom lip as she took in the scene, and her legs jiggled in caffeine-fueled nervousness beneath the table. Deflated, Tina grabbed for her black faux leather planner Aunt Gemma gifted her in order to see if she could fit in another study session between a nap and the physics final exam. Tina's shoulders sunk. Of course it was just like her to accidentally grab that wish journal instead of her planner. This mistake would cost her either precious sleep or study time. She only stayed mad at herself for a few moments. Deciding to make the best of it--and yearning for a study break--she opened the leather pages of the wish journal, desperate for any additional help she could get. Wish #9: To pass physics this semester I wish I would sit down in my physics seminar tomorrow (today?!) and automatically know the answer to every question. I wish that studying seemed to pay off. I wish I could just pass physics so I don't have to take it again.
I wish that I didn't feel so hopeless; that no matter how much I fight for a passing grade, it never, ever, EVER comes. I wish this hard work paid off, that these sleepless night and endless hours of studying gave me a passing grade. I wish I had the math and science gene I seem to lack. God. I just wish I was successful at something! NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. Tina slammed the phone down frustrated at hearing the busy signal so many times. She needed to leave her dorm room in ten minutes to make it to her two o'clock class, but this was important! She hung up the phone once more and hit redial. Busy signal again! Tina sighed in frustration. Carly loved the band Runaway Sunshine and getting her tickets, let alone first row tickets, would be the best gift in the world! When the busy signal pulsated through her eardrums again, Carly tried once more as the song on the radio ended. "Congratulations, what's your name?" the DJ's unmistakeable deep voice vibrated through the radio on her speakers. Tina knew she didn't win. Of course, there would be another chance at nine o'clock, but not winning the 1:30 giveaway still dampened her spirits. Slamming the phone in its cradle, which made her always-sleepy roommate stir from beneath her covers on the top bunk bed, Tina sulked in the wooden desk chair. Not winning the tickets wouldn't be the end of the world, but Tina wanted to surprise Carly so badly. Wish #8: To win concert tickets for Carly Carly isn't happy that I'm not home a lot since I left for college. I wish she was happy more often when I called home. I want to be able to take her to see her favorite band. I wish Mom could afford the tickets. I was I could afford the tickets.
I wish I could be the great big sister and swoop in and save the day and give her a smile. I wish Carly would be happy... tickets or no concert tickets. NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. During graduation Tina was surprised at how many of her classmates had solid plans for the fall: Fiona was going to Montana State in Bozeman with Kevin, Paula had just got engaged to Luke, and Carol was accepted to Columbia--way on the other side of the country! Not to mention Quinn had been an apprentice in the plumber's union and Kylie was already offered a full-time position at Banger's Clothing Depot! Tina's lack of a plan depressed her. Each day she eagerly waited for the mailman to bring good news. Today was the day Tina got envelopes from two of the schools she applied to and, surprise-surprise, was not accepted to either. They were long shots anyway. There was only one school left to hear back from and Tina didn't have a back-up plan. As she sat at her desk in front of the "We are sorry to inform you..." letters, she bit her fingers raw in worry. Desperate for a miracle, she once again reached for Aunt Gemma's Wish Journal. Wish #7: To get into Idaho State I wish I wasn't always one step behind everyone else. I wish, for once, I had everything together in neat compartments of my life. I want to go to college. I know I was bad in math and was so horribly average, but that's who I am. I wish some college wants me. That some college wants someone so extraordinarily ordinary.
I wish that the next piece of mail addressed to Miss Tina K. Harold was an acceptance letter from Idaho State University. I wish they were pleased to offer me admittance into their school and could offer me financial aid. I know it's not my first choice school, but it's only an hour away by bus; it is close enough to be there for Carly. I wish the plans I had for life would materialize. I wish for a better life. NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. Tina found herself up early that warm, sticky early June morning. Hanging over the door was the dark blue cap and gown she had worked hard the past four years to earn. It was still wrinkled in places and needed to be ironed, but there was still time. The world was still quiet yet. Once in a while a passing car on the street would interrupt the morning birds' song. Tina had trouble sleeping. She was excited, yes, but couldn't help feeling a blanket of sadness that grew heavy on her shoulders. Still sitting on her bed, her covers bunched up beneath her bare feet, she longed for the perfect companion on this momentous day. With a sigh, her eyes stared straight ahead at the picture frame beside her bedroom door. The four happy, smiling people were familiar, yet so foreign. Pushing away the tears that wanted to fall, Tina decided to do something about it. Of course it was impossible and would never work, but still... her soul needed to say it. Wish #6: For both of my parents to be at my graduation I wish Dad could be here for my high school graduation. I wish he would pop into the gymnasium as my name was being called and as I walked across the stage I would see his bright smile and he would wave in celebration. He would even whistle that loud piercing whistle that drove Mom crazy. Then I would run into his arms, with my diploma, and he would scoop me up and say, "Congratulations, Scooter!" I miss that nickname. No one ever calls me Scooter anymore.
I wish he didn't have to die when I was only ten years old. I wish that he had been smart enough not to stop the car on the train tracks that morning. I wish Mom didn't have to work so much... I wish she could be the Mom she was before Dad died and she had to go back to work. I wish we were a happy family again. I wish I didn't miss him that much. I wish the pain of missing him wasn't so crippling. NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. Standing in front of the full length mirror, Tina smiled. She was wearing the dress again. The knee-length red dress that made it look like she had curves--the one Aunt Gemma bought her. Prom was approaching quickly and Aunt Gemma had taken Tina out to the mall in Aberdeen--a whole two hours away!--and they spent the day shopping for the perfect dress, and brand new shoes, and a necklace that made Tina feel like she was a movie star. It was all working out! Tina tried not to try on the dress every night, but when she got out of the shower and stood in her towel looking for pajamas, the dress begged to be worn. Each time Tina slipped into the dress, she readied herself to be disappointed by her reflection... that maybe the dress wasn't all that wonderful. Each time, though, she was wrong. For once in her life she looked and felt beautiful. She radiated with confidence. She was going to prom and people would finally notice her. Now if only she could get Quinn to notice her enough to take her. Quinn, the boy across the street. The boy she played with--was best friends with--until sixth grade, when he found out about girls, especially Katie Brown. He would wave hello and sometimes, if Tina left the house the same time he did, and if it was pouring rain or frigidly cold outside, he would offer her a ride to school. Quinn was the date she wanted to take to prom. Still wearing the red dress, she bit her lip and picked up the Wish Journal. Sometimes parts of her wishes came true, but she really wanted this one. She believed in the power of the red dress. Biting her lip, she picked up the pen that sat on top of her college applications and began to write. Wish #5: to go to prom with QuinnI wish that tomorrow morning I would wake up and feel like life was on my side--that I was light and happy. I'd walk out of the house with a smile on my face and see Quinn walking down his driveway. "Hey, Tina!" he'd say, waving me down as he crossed the street. I'd stop and wait for him to catch up and he'll ask me if I want a ride to school. Of course I'll say yes... but very passively. Very cool.
We'd drive up to school and he'd park the car, but not hop out right away and walk off without another word. He'd hesitate and his hair would fall in front of his face so that he'd run his hands through it. I'd sit patiently and ask, "You okay, Quinn?" and he'd avoid looking me in the eye and nod, nervous about how I'd react to him. Just as I am about to open the door and walk away with all the confidence in the world, Quinn would grab my hand and kiss me. "I've been wanting to do that since we were little," he'd say after we pulled away. "Do you want to go to prom with me, Tina?" and I would smile and say yes. And at prom he would show me off and everybody would say, "Is that Tina?" and "Who is that?" and "Who is that beautiful girl with Quinn?" and we would spend the night dancing and laughing and smiling. I wish for that dream to come true. NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. Tina frowned as she threw another shirt from her closet and onto her bed. The pile was growing quickly. At first she fell in love with the full length mirror she found at the Dollar Store and then tacked onto her closet door. But as the months went by, it turned into such a chore. It was summer. She was sixteen. Tina worked part-time at the ice cream store and the free samples were reflected in the mirror. There was supposed to be a bonfire down by the lake tonight. All of her friends were going. It was Kelsey's birthday party--there was a water trampoline, and rafts, and an abundant promise of timeless fun! It was all anyone talked about since invitations went out a month ago. Kelsey was a senior, but Tina worked with her sister at the ice cream shop and invited Tina (her sister allowed her to bring two friends in exchange for not being annoying during the party). This was the chance of a lifetime: to attend Kelsey Harding's eighteenth birthday party! And Mom agreed to it! Now, she just had to find an outfit and a bathing suit. Taking a break from her critical reflection, Tina sat against the wall, moving aside a sea of belongings that cluttered her bedroom floor. Sighing, she leaned her head against the wall and felt a stray breeze wander through the open window. Wish #4: To Be BeautifulI wish I was beautiful. I wish that my waist curved and didn't look so boxy. I wish my thighs didn't jiggle when I walked and that my nose was smaller and my front teeth didn't stick out as much. I wish my hair wasn't frizzy or got out of place five minutes after I brush it. I wish little wisps of hair didn't come out of my pony tail and that I didn't have that mole in the middle of my neck that looks like a bug crawling towards my chin.
I wish my neck was longer and my eyebrows were even. I wish I didn't hunch over as much--that my posture was better. I wish pimples wouldn't pop up on my forehead and that my skin wasn't so red. I wish my eyes were any other color but brown. I wish some stranger would see me and think that I'm pretty. I wish I had confidence in who I am... I wish I was happy with being me. NOTE: This series chronicles the wishes Tina writes in the Wish Journal she received from her aunt when she turned 13. To better understand Tina's character, be sure to read her other wishes in chronological order. With the fire and fury of a high school freshman, Tina stomped her way down the hall and slammed the door of her bedroom. The picture frame beside her door swung on its nail, dangerously close to crashing to the ground. Tina groaned in frustration as she paced around her bed, in her small room. Why wouldn't her mother just understand? Times have changed since she was in high school. There were no more soda shoppes and do-wops! Why did her mother have to be so frustratingly uncooperative?! Picking up her rag doll, she screamed into its body and its braided yarn limbs dangled, helpless. The doll smelled like baby powder and it reminded her of her aunt. Her aunt would never have been so clueless. Tina dropped the rag doll and as she fell onto the creamy purple bedspread, the rag doll toppled to the floor. Bending down, she blindly searched the floor until her hands came across a hard rectangular object. Pulling it onto the bed with her, she found the Wish Journal she hadn't used all summer and most of the fall. Without hesitation, she opened to the next page and pulled out the pencil she had tucked into her ponytail. Wish #3: A Shopping Spree I wish I had a shopping spree where I could buy anything I wanted. I wish I could buy brand new clothes and shoes that nobody has worn but me. I wish I could buy those cool purple fake hair extensions you clip into your hair and a fake ear cuff that looks like a garden fairy hugging my ear.
I wish I could buy an iPod and buy all the cotton candy in the world for Carly. I wish I could show up to school in the coolest outfits and always look so put together. I wish I had pierced ears and necklaces and a cool gemstone ring that looked mystical and magical on my right hand. I wish that I could have just one new item. Just one. I wish I could walk into a department store and walk out with one new pair of shoes or a shirt, or stiff jeans that no one broke in yet. I wish Mom would let me buy those knee-high boots. I wish I could pay for them. |
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